In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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