so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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