You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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