Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
