So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
