Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
