Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
