The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize