halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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