see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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