we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
