i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
