I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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