Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
