We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize