Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
