Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
