Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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