Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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