The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize