She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Randomize
