When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
