Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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