We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She told me I should be a condom model.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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