My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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