you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
