remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
