dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
