got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
