I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
