Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
