Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
