Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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