Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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