I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
