I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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