i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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