Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
