someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
