dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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