yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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