we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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