SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Let's get the cat blown out
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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