if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
