He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
