Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
