i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
