The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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