In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
