I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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