She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
