The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
