Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
