the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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