Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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