Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
