hell yes lets make some ravioli
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
