Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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