Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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