I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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