I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
