Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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