:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
