Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
