I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
birth control should be required to get into college
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
