Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
