I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
