Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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