My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
